Posted May 2, 2016 in Family Law by Rebecca Sternbach.
In her memoir “Yes Please,” comedian Amy Poehler likened divorce to “spreading everything you care about on a blanket and then tossing the whole thing up in the air.” Undeniably, the end of a relationship is devastating for all involved, especially for the children of the relationship. Sometimes, parents separate with the best of intentions, promising to keep the peace for the sake of the children–with varying degrees of success. An unfortunate reality is that divorce and custody litigation is taxing on children of any age, and exposure to conflict can have lasting and serious repercussions. In fact, studies show that children exposed to a contentious divorce are more likely to struggle academically, socially, and emotionally.*
This post contains tips to decrease conflict and keep you (and your family) sane during custody litigation.
1. Be Flexible.
Life after separation is uncomfortable for both parents and children. On top of arranging separate housing and sorting such issues as payment of household bills and the sale of the family home, you and your ex must negotiate a temporary visitation schedule. This is no small order! In approaching this challenge, flexibility is key. Remember, initial temporary custody arrangements are just that—temporary—and will be fine-tuned over time. Consider taking advantage of the free custody mediation services available in some counties through Family Court Services, where a neutral mediator will help you and your ex formulate a visitation schedule.
2. Communication is Key.
Hostility strains communication. Children adjusting to divorce will benefit from their parents maintaining healthy lines of communication. While face-to-face communication with your ex may be difficult, luckily there are many alternatives. Consider designating a “family notebook” to travels in your child’s backpack or overnight bag. You and your ex can write (peaceful) notes to one another, detailing the status of homework and projects, sleep and nap schedules, snacks and meals eaten by the kids during visits, and health-related concerns. Or, consider using Our Family Wizard which is a web and app-based custody tool that helps parents with scheduling and communicating (and is frequently ordered by family court judges).
3. Choose your Words Carefully.
Think of your child as a sponge. He or she will soak up everything you say and do, especially during this unstable time. For this reason, no matter how tempting it may be, do not “vent” or criticize the other parent in the presence of your children, or discuss the ongoing litigation. To help your children understand the changes your family is undergoing, and offer a safe space for your children to discuss these changes, consider family or individual counseling.
4. Practice the Golden Rule…Even if Your Ex Doesn’t.
Treat your ex as you wish to be treated, even if he or she does not return the favor. Retaliating against your ex by withholding contact with the children will breed further tension and conflict. To that end, difficult though it may be, try to take the high road. Show respect and flexibility to your ex, even if he or she is seemingly unwilling to offer the same courtesy. Ultimately, the court will see you as the more reasonable parent.
5. Be Cautious When Introducing New Partners.
Err on the side of caution when introducing a new boyfriend or girlfriend to your children. It can be difficult for children to process the end of their parents’ marriage, and the introduction of a new partner too soon may cause confusion and anxiety. It may also heighten conflict with your children (or resentment from your ex). Even if your children adore your new partner, if the new relationship is short lived, then your children may face even more difficult change. Consider waiting until the initial uncertainty of the custody litigation—and your new relationship—has passed before introducing a new partner.
6. Go Back to School.
It’s never too late to learn. There are an abundance of parenting classes offered on a variety of topics (from parenting an infant to relating with a teenager). The courts often order one or both parties to participate in a parenting class. Consider voluntarily enrolling in a class at the beginning of the case. Not only will it impress the judge, by honing your own parenting skills, you will also develop coping mechanisms and learn to navigate conflict.
7. Be Patient and Change Will Come.
Change will not happen overnight. Separating from the parent of your child will undoubtedly cause a period of unhappiness and uncertainty. However unpleasant, this time shall pass. Be patient, and change for the better will come.
If you need help navigating your custody litigation, the Certified Family Law Specialists at Lonich & Patton have decades of experience handling complex family law matters. Please contact the Certified Family Law Specialists at Lonich & Patton for further information. Please remember that each individual situation is unique and results discussed in this post are not a guarantee of future results. While this post may include legal issues, it is not legal advice. Use of this site does not create an attorney-client relationship.
*Source: Children of divorce in the 1990s: An update of the Amato and Keith (1991) meta-analysis. Amato, Paul R. Journal of Family Psychology, Vol 15(3), Sep 2001, 355-370.
Posted March 16, 2016 in Firm News by Lonich and Patton.
Michael E. Lonich is the managing partner of Lonich and Patton and has over 30 years of experience representing businesses and individuals. He leads the firm’s estate planning group and serves as a mediator and arbitrator upon request. Mike enjoys working with clients to create an estate plan that suits their needs.
One yelp reviewer stated the following: “A named partner, Michael Lonich, contacted me directly, made an appointment to meet in a very reasonable day soon. The office was all you’d want to find, reception was kind and welcoming, and Mr. Lonich shared his time (more than 30 min w/o complaint), his experience, and expertise openly with me. He listened attentively to all I had to say (no matter how inane it may have appeared to him), and treated me as if my thoughts and concerns and I were the most important things he had to do that morning. All in all, my experience and the advice/results were high-end, kind, and expert; everything one imagines the perfect law firm to be. I don’t mean to sound superfluous or silly, but this is simply how it was. This is the real deal, with heart. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend them.”
If you have any questions about estate planning or any other issue, the Certified Family Law Specialists at Lonich & Patton have decades of experience handling complex family law matters. Please contact the Certified Family Law Specialists at Lonich & Patton for further information. Please remember that each individual situation is unique and results discussed in this post are not a guarantee of future results. While this post may include legal issues, it is not legal advice. Use of this site does not create an attorney-client relationship.
Posted March 9, 2016 in Firm News, In the Community by Lonich and Patton.
David Patton is a family law specialist and partner at Lonich and Patton. David is an experienced trial attorney with over 22 years of experience. He co-founded the firm’s family law practice and has become one of Silicon Valley’s top family lawyers.
David has represented clients in difficult and complex cases, all while treating his clients with kindness and compassion. He recognizes that these times are some of the most overwhelming and difficult for families, and that is why he works hard and diligently to obtain favorable results.
As one AVVO client reviewer stated: “David (and his partner Mike Lonich) were genuinely interested and invested in my case. They were not solely focused on billable hours, but truly wanted to see a fair and just outcome. That sort of personal commitment went a long way toward making the whole experience, if not enjoyable, at least less miserable. I just wish I had David as my attorney when my divorce first started. I would highly recommend David Patton and his firm to anyone needing competent representation in matters of family law. “
If you have any questions about divorce or any other issue, the Certified Family Law Specialists at Lonich & Patton have decades of experience handling complex family law matters. Please contact the Certified Family Law Specialists at Lonich & Patton for further information. Please remember that each individual situation is unique and results discussed in this post are not a guarantee of future results. While this post may include legal issues, it is not legal advice. Use of this site does not create an attorney-client relationship.
Posted March 9, 2016 in Estate Planning by Michael Lonich.
The Huffington Post recently compiled a list of 7 of the weirdest, but very real, wills of all time. Although some are foreign wills, the article serves to remind us that wills are a powerful tool. Creating a will allows us to control the disposition of our property, and fulfill some last wishes.
1. The Original “P.S. I love you”
Comedian Jack Benny left a provision in his will instructing a local florist to deliver a red rose to his wife every day for the rest of her life.
2. A Dog’s Life
Businesswoman, Leona Helmsley, left her dog “Trouble” 12 million to inherit. (Although a judge later reportedly reduced the inheritance to 2 million)
3. The Talking dead
Magician, Harry Houdini’s, last wishes included a request for his wife to hold a mini séance every year on the anniversary of his death. Houdini had promised to contact his wife after death and they even agreed upon a phrase that he would say as confirmation that it was him really speaking. His wife, however, quit the séances a decade after his death.
4. The unhappy husband
German poet, Heinrich Heine’s wife was set to inherit all his assets upon the fulfillment of one condition, she had to remarry. His will reportedly read, “because, then there will be at least one man to regret my death.”
5. The Stork Derby
Toronto businessman, Charles Miller’s, left his fortune to the married woman in Toronto who could birth the most children in the decade following his death. The stork derby, as the race for the fortune later became labeled, eventually led to a 4 woman tie, each producing 9 children.
6. The unfitting funeral
Writer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, initially wrote in his will that his funeral should be “suitable” and “in keeping with my station in life.” However, by the time he died, Fitzgerald had changed his will to say it should be the “cheapest” funeral because Fitzgerald had gone into debt.
7. Controlling from the grave
Real estate millionaire, Maurice Laboz, who died in 2015 left his nearly $40 million estate to his 2 daughters. His daughters are set to receive the inheritance at 35, but can receive bonuses before, if they adhere to certain rules. For example:
1) Daughter, Marlena, will receive 500,000 upon marrying, but only if her husband signs a sworn statement promising to not touch the money
2) Marlena will receive another 750,000 if she graduates from an accredit university and writes an essay “100 words or less describing what she intends to with the funds”
If you would like to learn more about wills or avoiding probate in general, call Lonich & Patton to schedule a free half-hour consultation. Our attorneys are passionate about estate planning and have decades of experience handling complex estate planning matters, including wills and living trusts. If you are interested in developing an estate plan or reviewing your current estate plan, contact the experienced estate planning attorneys at Lonich & Patton for further information.
Posted March 8, 2016 in Family Law by Michael Lonich.
Mediation can be very helpful for spouses going through a divorce. Ensuring a successful mediation requires choosing the right mediator. Before deciding to work with a mediator, parties may consider speaking to those who have worked with him or her in the past. Below are a few suggested questions to ask those who have worked with the mediator:
1.Did the mediator develop a relationship of trust and confidence with you?
2.Was the mediator patient yet tenacious?
3. Would you hire this mediator again?
4.Was the mediator creative?
Sometimes our issues don’t have an easy solution. For example, deciding a custody holiday schedule or deciding who will keep the marital home, can make it difficult to reach an agreement. Hire a mediator that you know is prepared to deal with these complex issues.
While divorce mediation works in many situations, it is not always appropriate. Litigation is often the best option in situations where there is domestic violence, one party refuses to cooperate in making required disclosures, or communication between the parties is impossible. If you have any questions about divorce mediation and would like to speak to an attorney, please contact Lonich & Patton for further information. Keep in mind that each individual situation is unique and results discussed in this post are not a guarantee of future results. While this post may include legal issues, it is not legal advice. Use of this site does not create an attorney-client relationship.